I went to a community mental health clinic and am on wait to see my old pdoc in 2 months. The psych nurse practitioner saw from 2 years ago that i abused modafinil (it was a manic psychotic episode.) I started getting psychotic on modafinil and feeling like God was in the room with me and talking to me so God told me to keep taking modafinil. I was hospitilized and they claimes substance abuse which i guess is partially true, though mostly a lie. Well the nurse looked back and saw sunstance abuse and wont refill my ativan or valium. She just told me to go inpatient. This feels like the end of the world. I am cutting my ativans in quarters and valiums in half. I dont want to go inpatient. I complained about it all day on the phone and "the board" will re-evaluate it. I called the psych hospital closest to me and they said i wpuld have to go to one an hour away to get treatment as their beds are full. I cant come off benzos quickly like they do in the hospitals. I have prolonged withdrawal symptoms. "The board" will get back to me next week. This is hell.