I've been reading the forum this week, getting great insight into our shared condition and our individual struggles. Has been enlightening to me and educational as I start towards management of my BP II.

I even posted once, about anxiety. No responses, which slightly bruised my ridiculously fragile ego. Trust me, it's me not you.

I saw my medication counselor yesterday and detailed what I would consider the first evidence of BP from my later teens, and the wild episode that I flipped into two years ago while I was taking SSRI for the first time in my life. This felt cathartic, and she was very supportive in maintaining her conclusion that I am in fact bipolar.

I have been confused and uncertain in the three weeks since initial diagnosis, and it felt good to be validated by her. Again, part of my personal self-doubt and also seemingly part of the confusing nature of the illness.

Saw my therapist today and he was also very supportive and validating. We talked about self-destructive thought patterns and how they turn into self-destructive behavior (especially at work). I feel stronger now than I have in months.

The 'denier' in me is still trying to convince me that I am not ill. This forum has helped me to understand that 'feeling better' is not 'cured' so I am committed to my medication and therapy. Knowledge is empowering to me.

I will begin some psychological testing next week. Perhaps no more insight will be gained, but the analytical side of Matt75 will appreciate any light that these tests can shed on the mystery of me.

My life with BP hasn't just begun, but me living with it has. I'm so grateful for your stories and your support, and I hope to offer the same.