Thank you so much for your reply. I do think I am going insane. I mean I knew I was suffering from intrusive thoughts but it was usually around relationships etc. I actually found out myself that ROCD exists and I am not crazy. But ever since this new thing happened I feel lost. I was not depressed before I start to have those Sui thoughts. I remember it started as a persistent thought and fear and I recognized it but suddenly I had a nervous breakdown, on the floor and crying like a baby. Terrified. No wonder my phych told me I have depression too. Those damn thoughts brought it on! I started on Prozac.. so far a bit irritability and nightmares. Not as bad as Zoloft but we will see. I just struggle with the thoughts I remember looking at pills now and had an image of taking them all!
I wish it could all go away. This is debilitating. Plus I am struggling with questions like "what if it's true and I am lying to myself" " I think of this all the time I get urges so it must be true!". I really hope therapy etc. works. Don't know what to do or what to think anymore. And nobody seems to understand..