Everything I enjoy is highly sexualized whether it's games, music, TV, movies, ..everything. It's everywhere, a constant reminder.

I had so many issues growing up that I never had room in my mind to think about girls and went to an all boys high school to boot.

I don't have any social skills and sex is a social activity. I have very few friends and any female ones are in a relationship and don't consider me in that regard.

I've tried to ask girls out in the past, not a lot, they never agree, and they sometimes express discomfort and even voice it. I don't understand why they think I'm doing something wrong. Now I feel guilty if I even like someone or have feelings towards them.

I'm 28 years old and the only thing I can do to get rid of it is of course masturbation but it's not satisfying, it comes back 2-3x a day, and I have to do it so much it's having a vast effect on my physical health in the form of severe headaches and lack of ability to focus (in any way) the remainder of the day. I've never had sex. I've always said I feel lonely and need that connection, comfort, but I never got it and I'm too far gone to ask for that much now.

I wont take any anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, they have bad side effects and more importantly despite trying almost everything that could help none of them have ever had a positive effect other than stopping me hallucinating (had them since I was 8, I don't care if I see them anymore, I'm inured to them). And they all make me gain weight and drain my energy to the point I can't even look after myself.

I'm terrified of people trying to talk to me in public, I can never have an encounter that doesn't make me feel alienated and awkward. I've lived my entire life with women expressing nothing other than repulsion towards me and I don't think I'm actually that unattractive so I can't understand, and it just sends me back to the time I was 5-8 years old living with our insane mother, where everyone told me there was things terribly wrong with me and our family.

I need the urges gone, I can't focus on anything, not fixing my health, life, situation, anything, it's in the way. It needs to go.