As much as this is an introduction for me into this forum, this is an introduction for me to meet my other self. The self I always fail to admit to, the reasons that keep me restrained from being the real me and being happy again. I'll spare any major details about my life because I know I'm fairly strong willed and I refuse to let them hold me down. But a little back story: my mother was a single mom and alcoholic and that may have affected me (I'm not sure how much it affected me or if it even did). Nonetheless, I've always had a pretty supportive family and mom even given the circumstances and grief she may have inflicted on our family. I've been sad and lonely for a long time and it's been eating me away ever since. I just started my freshmen year of college, and my loneliness is amplified as it's a now harsh reality I must live with every day to sit and stare at all the happy and joyful people around me. People are beginning to see right through me and my behavior hasn't been a reflection of who I am as a person and it's scaring me. I've always had trouble keeping friendship and relationships with people. I feel so unwanted (and here more than ever) and I've never really had real friends, only people I "talk" to. No one knows how I feel, because I hide the fact of how damaged I am. I'm here because what I once never wanted to admit is taking me by storm and I feel as though I'm drowning in it. I'm sad, lonely and ****ed up. There's much more I could say and more detail I could give but I just can't put it into words right now. Hopefully I will one day be better.