Yeah, it sounds like you're on a one-way train to IP-land. Don't fight it, that'll only make it worse. And believe us, the alternative of the bridge would be devastating to those who love you.

I only say this because I've been there, and know exactly what you're going through. I had a bridge and a method picked out. I've been to the place where you can stop time. I've walked naked through the streets and wondered why exactly the cops showed up.

You claim not many people are drugged and are in a good place. I can tell you I'm on meds and life is pretty damn good. I'm a husband and father, and I provide for my family via a professional job that keeps us going. If I were back in the mindset you're describing, there's no way I could hold this all together. And I've gotten to this place of stability by working with my doctors, not against them. They're there to help. The only thing keeping me from the thought processes you're describing is the meds I'm on. They're not perfect, there are side effects and my mood is slightly off where I would ideally like it to be. But my life is good, my family is provided for, and I've not taken that walk to the bridge. Matter of fact I haven't even wanted to since 2015. I'd say that's progress.

Good luck with your journey. Trust your husband, trust your doctors. They're there to help you out of the state you're in, which I can definitively say is not a good or safe one.