I'm thinking about this...and particularly in terms of T, I wonder if it's a way that I'm almost shifting the blame onto myself? When maybe some of it is something that T (or MC) is doing? With T, when I say something is negative maternal transference, maybe it isn't just that I'm projecting stuff from my mom onto her--maybe it's actually about what T is saying and doing. Like I'm feeling "It can't be T screwing up, it must be me!" But maybe it's not just me...

That's kind of like something I was telling MC in our last session when I was talking about telling T that I was going to try seeing someone else. I said that I was worried T would suggest that it was me, that I should try to work it out with her. Like I was the problem. MC of course commented on that. One thing he said was that it could be a goodness of fit issue. Like maybe T just isn't the right fit for me. (Which, incidentally, T has also said that my mom and I are a bad fit.)

But my natural reaction is to blame myself...to think I *should* be able to make it work with T because she's a good, experienced T. So if I can't make it work, it's my fault. Whether because of negative maternal transference or something else.