I'm choosing to continue this in another thread, because it's kind of separate, and will make my other thread less long.

My cousin's Fiance has me blocked on Facebook. I could understand completely why, at first, I'm just not sure why she still has me blocked, since we talk now and she tells me she "misses and loves me."

Backstory: Note: this does not put me in the most flattering light. But it's the truth.

She came into the family last year, in 2016, when she had my cousin's baby. The baby was born addicted to xanax and suboxone. The baby was taken away from them and given to my cousin's mom. I thought that was awful, but she was so nice to me, and I didn't want to be judgmental. We became friends. I noticed she lied a lot though. Like, I caught her in lies, and she confessed to me she still took xanax and suboxone, even though she was court ordered to not be on xanax.

I got sick of dealing with her and the way she was. It made me uncomfortable. And I was also jealous of her, that all my family on Facebook, had accepted her friend requests, but not mine.

This is the bad part about ME: I cringe when I think about this now. I felt so guilty, for a long time. But here's what happened. I used to post negative stuff on Facebook. I posted about her. It didn't have her name in it, but I said I was sick of hanging around with people who lie and do illegal things (she was doing something illegal, involving seeing her child). She messaged me and asked if it was about her, which I thought was interesting. But I finally said yes, it was about her.

That was when I was initially feeling regretful about what I put, because for a whole day and night, she tried to manipulate me into telling her "why I didn't like her." She said some crazy stuff. Its like she was looking for a fight. She even called me. I guess it had upset her quite a bit. I didn't want to get into a fight though, and said so. Which she said I was back pedaling. She unfriended me, and that was when I lost my ****. I called her every name in the book, in a FB message. I told her I thought she was a liar and that she was wrong to do drugs when she was pregnant and not tell her doctors. She blocked me. That was one year ago.

A few days after that had happened, I apologized, because I felt like I had ****ed up. I hurt someone's feelings badly.

I called her, and told her I was sorry. I was sincerely sorry, and said I ****ed up. I also told her I'd been jealous of her, which was true at the time, because of my family, which she knew a little about how I felt about them and the situation. But it didn't excuse my behavior.

She forgave me. Everything was fine. Christmas was ****ed up, because her and my cousin were on drugs and we had to call the cops bc my cousin got violent.

But I guess the point of my story is, I feel terrible for having been such a *****. I am still blocked by her. To this day. And She sends me text messages saying "I miss you, I LOVE you, you should come visit me with my new baby." So I'm confused. Did I hurt her That much? I hope not. Or is she trying to mess with me? Or is something up? I doubt she just forgot I'm blocked. I really doubt it. Btw, I didn't say "I love you" back to her. It felt unnatural.

So there's the story. I feel. That I learned. A LOT. through this situation. The fight. About myself. It was that, which made me realize I had a problem. With being negative, and impulsive, with being hurtful. But I am not usually hurtful either. Maybe thats why it was all the more hurtful to her too. But.......I can't hold this over my head forever. I am in the process of forgiving myself. Yes, I ****ed up. But we all make mistakes. And I learned from mine.

I do think.....I should not give Facebook so much focus. I'm not on it much anyway, so I don't know why I've been thinking about these things.