I'm awake! Still more of a couch lurker sometimes. I've spent most of the weekend thus far contemplating seeing my T again on Monday after our recent rupture. I think it will be okay, but I'm nervous anyway. This one is kind of complicated, but I get the sense that she already understands some/most of it. She digs complicated anyway, so that's something.

I've never really understood transference. Like, sometimes I can tell that I am expecting my T to think/say or do something a parent of mine would say or do, even knowing that she doesn't act/feel that way toward me. That seems like transference. But sometimes she delights me or pisses me off in her own right, and it seems like labeling that transference takes away some of the value and power of really feeling those things in the therapeutic relationship.