Quote:
Originally Posted by Thunder Bow
This may sound odd, but I think you are doing just fine. Maybe you are just wishing you had anxiety so you can feel bad about yourself. Maybe you do not look scared because you are not scared. Fears can be a prison, so maybe it is best to ignore some of them. You are a Brave Warrior.
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Your words are fortifying. This is what I normally tell myself anyway. Today, it will be better, because I am fortified. But there is an underlying wound.
I've been afraid my entire life, but there was no one to help me so I didn't realize I was afraid. But the fears are catching up to me now.
My fears and feelings have nowhere to go. I am a dead end. I wonder what would happen if I let them out. But I can't speak.
Some kind of magic trick, or the turn of the mind, which makes things disappear. I can only remember the blankness; I don't feel like a person. I just feel like I'm going on.
If disappearing my pains is fine, and if I'm not made of them anyway....
This occurred to me the other day. I let myself lie in bed like a dead body for a day or so while nursing my physical wounds. It helped a lot. I don't take care of myself normally. But, and finally, I can't build from this pain. I also can't erase everything.
So I don't know what to do about all my feelings. There are lots of things I've dismissed over the years. I dismissed my entire father. Maybe I can dismiss these too, but I don't like to dismiss out of shame.