It feels like experiencing grief for a loved one, and I'm grieving loss of them every day and night. Constantly. Possibly the only people I ever knew love from and loved back with such purity.

And just like that we were afflicted with crises and our time was over, forever. Irreversible, unless you can erase their minds of all the bull your ex put in their heads and the judgmentalness that replaced unconditional love you were getting from them.

I still love my children unconditionally, but I am afraid of them. I actually fear them now and don't want to be alone with them without a neutral safe person in a safe place because of my life experience with the feeling that a person will try to hurt me and my life. They have become an enemy, yet I still sacrifice for them whenever I can.

I feel heartbroken from this.