So I'm new to this and I hope I can build friendships and a community around me that sort of understands how I feel.

I am 20 and I live in New York State I mention that because winter is approaching slowly but surely and that means... shorter days and I just get so depressed. I have been battling with depression and panic disorder for a year now and it has crippled me. When my boyfriend and I fight I often end up in a panic state, and I just am so reactive and it feels like I'm dying so whatever I say doesn't even matter. I feel like I'm pushing the one person who has been through it all away... I'm not using it as an excuse and I just don't know what to do.