thanks for the support guys.
re the diagnosis - i don't disagree or agree. I don't actually know what I'm diagnosed with at the moment or if a diagnosis is even relevant. With being in twelve step fellowships the vibe is always that you'll find your meaning and feel at home finally, but I honestly don't feel at home anywhere, and I feel empty a lot of the time, and even plodding on with doing the next right thing when my instincts go the other way, it doesn't change the way I feel. At the moment I'm pretty broke financially (incredibly fortunate that my parents help me with mental health costs) so I'm limited in what I can do and even how far I can drive, but all the time I just find myself trying to get out of the house to find somewhere I'll feel more at home, but it's in my head. There is an underlying feeling of panic about being trapped in this feeling of not being safe in my own room and not being safe anywhere.