I think it's really important for people to understand that often when people are having a really hard time, and are drained, advice, or what a person might think is constructive criticism is more destructive than constructive. A person should not end up feeling like they have to defend themselves or explain themselves to people they've gone to for an empathetic listening ear during a really hard time, when they are emotionally drained.

The comment about the physical abuse happening as a child, not as an adult was appalling. She is scared of that happening again. When a person is abused the fear doesn't go away. And he continues to be abusive, psychologically. It doesn't matter what a person does or doesn't do to help out, an abusive person will continue to be abusive.

I don't know the whole situation, but I'm sorry that you are not able to find a way to leave the house. That must be extremely frustrating.