Titrating the wellbutrin, I am maybe the tiniest bit up/hypo but about as close to stable as I can remember being in the last 20 years or so. The remaining problem is the head fog which is persistent up or down. Being mostly depressed for so long, I had accepted it was part of the package.

My t hit on what it may be - derealization. I did not know that term but when I looked it up it was somewhat accurate. Surreal view, sometimes with fog and sometimes I go into a trance like state that is hard to break out of. The trance is usually really short because I do break out of it. The one big sticking point is I don't perceive my environment as not being real; when I "trance out" it is more like I am not a part of it.

The surreal view never goes away. It's kind of like my tinnitus (ringing in my ears) - I accept that it isn't likely to change and just deal with seeing the world that way.

The fog comes rolling in when I go into the trance for more than a few seconds.

The trance is scary sometimes. There have been a few times when I found it very difficult to pull myself out of it. The longer I let it go on, the less I perceive of my environment and people in it. I often have to make people repeat themselves because I was gone while they were speaking. A few times I have had someone shake me and think I was on drugs. The scariest is autopilot in the car. I sometimes snap back to attention confused as to where I am until I get my bearings.

The trance is also my hideaway at times. It is like an intense daydream, so sometimes I don't fight it at all. Sitting in the sun on a warm day I can go so deep in it that my wife suspects I have been drinking or using sometimes.