sincity I can't imagine all you have been through or dealt w/ but I hope you can find truth and hope in all that everyone has written. I think Cryan0 has great points! I am a female but I find myself dealing w/ most of the same issues. I only wish I was male sometimes rather than female and often wear my b/f friends cloths. @ first he had issues w/ me wanting girls and dressing like a guy but you have to talk through this and get past the initial insecurities and all will work out fine. Hell my guy and I got things "talked out" and now I have a shaved head and hair under my arms! I wish you the best and I really find you courage and honesty admirable. ((((good luck))))) girlN