my T decided to take a different approach today in session. she said that she sometimes feels hesitant to bring stuff up to me because i have a very OFF LIMITS approach to anything difficult, and that she can't in good sense collude with my depression. she knows i am feeling extremely shitey, and when in therapy we continue to talk about awful, non-hopeful things, i dont' get any relief from it.

she called my depression very stubborn, and that we were going to explore talkign about dating. omg. I was like "well that is terrible," which she said she knew i'd say.

i told her it felt like asking me to look for a rainbow when i am buried 10 feet underground.

it was weird. we were sidetracked by the whole i had to go to urgent care, probably have another kidney stone thing for awhle...but after last week's intense session on suicidal feelings, it felt so strange for her to bring up dating.

not sure how i feel about it all.