I believe I am enabeling when my helping, doing (fixing things) is not really helping someone other than to stay in unhealthy, selfish, irresponsible and/or distructive behavior pattern. I could not say if you are enabeling or not because I do not know the sittuation.
Usally when I enabel someone, it may take a while but I will always end up angry, resentful at the person I'm enabeling (helping), hoping they'll change and burned out with what I'm doing for them. Being an enabeler I have found looks like being nice, caring, loving and self sacrificing (lol!! more like martyrr) but is pretty selfishly motivated to cover my fears, insecurities, want for control. This is just my experiance and what I have learned.
Larks