cyrano-thank you so much for writing back. reading everything you said i was just thinking that's me! that's me! that's me! you said everything i just like how i been feeling but you talk a hole lot better then i do and said it better. i feel so selfish and guilty and disgusting for feeling this stuff about guys but you made me feel a lot better and its so good to know i'm not the only one and not a freak and that your marryed and its ok.

i never tryed cross dressing but a lot of times i try to be somebody else or think of myself as somebody different and try to look and be tough like the kind of guys i would want to be with if i wasn't marryed. maybe it kinda comes from the same place.

do you think its ok to think about being hurt in a sexual way? i mean not just like being submission but like really getting beat up or raped? when i told my wife i think that sometimes she was really upset and she cryed a lot. my therapist says its not healthy to but that stuff just jumps in my head.

thank you again for writing everything you did