If you met me in person you wouldn't even know that it's me writing this stuff. I am such a meek and quiet and mild mannered person who does everything in their power to help and be friendly to others. This is where I get my anger out. I don't go to therapy because I'm too shy and it's too awkward for me. I have done therapy online but it's still the same as here. They can tell me what I need to do, to speak up, to not be a doormat, but I know before even starting a session that I'm not going to change because I'm too afraid of people (husband, stepdaughter, coworkers, mother)being angry at me for saying how I feel about them. So I just push everything down into the pit of my stomach and act like everything is fine and dandy. Yup, I know it's a bad thing, but it's what I've been doing my entire life and I'm still kicking.