OK, this is hard to talk about. I started 4 times and erased them all yesterday. Please bear with me.

I 1st met my girlfriend when I was 20 and she was 16. I was living with a buxom blonde girl, and we were new in town, and she and her best friend were the 1st people we met. She was quite chubby, small breasts, big bottom, short, with dark hair and a loud voice, the exact opposite of the girl I was dating. And she quickly let me know she wanted me. Her and her friend hung out with us every day, and she would constantly tell me how much nicer her little breasts were than my blonde's big ones and all the sexual stuff she would do to me. Her friend backed her up, saying she was very popular sexually at school and apparently very talented. I'm a good guy, and laughed it off, nothing ever happened.

But I never forgot her, nobody ever talked to me like that and one day, 31 years later, I found her on facebook. We hit it off immediately, and began a sort of long distance, phone relationship. We fell in love on the phone over the next 3 months before we could get together to meet in person. During this time, I asked about that summer 31 years before and she admitted she was quite a slut, her self-image was based on how many guys she slept with and so she slept with anyone who asked. OK, we're adults now, doesn't bother me. Then she told me all those talents she talked about were true, she even had some guys give her oral sex lessons when she was 15. She made many of the same promises as before. And she said she hadn't had sex with a man in 10 years, and was really excited. (She'd been having a relationship with a woman until a few months before this.)

My problem is this. We're older now, and some of the things she used to do are hard for her now. Her jaw hurts, most positions are hard for her, etc....
I'm very attracted to her physically, but she is troubled by body issues, so getting her to do anything, even wear bikini panties, is out of the question. After the 1st month of pretty good sex, it got rarer and rarer. We've been living together for 5 years now, but have sex 3-4 times a year. This is difficult for me, because I can't really masturbate, it never really works for me. So I'm very pent up when we do have sex, and explode in less than a minute. My girlfriend has been sick for several months now, so obviously sex is out for now. The last time we had sex was Feb 13, 7 months ago. We were actually in a hotel last May, with plans for sex, when she started puking and she's been sick since.

My point is this: I have this woman who has convinced me she is the sexiest woman for me. She's gone out of her way to tell me about her sexual exploits in the past and created scenarios where she does them to me. I know she's done them with lots of other guys, when we 1st got together I met her friends and they would tell stories about her crazy past, some of which were incredible. So what happened? Why the sudden change? I don't really care about all those other guys, I just want to be one of them, if that makes sense. I'm jealous, I feel like I got cheated of something I was promised. I know we get older, and there's menopause, and all. I really do love her. But I'm a man, and I'm also attracted to her. 2 weeks ago she was home from the hospital for a week (she's in a rehab center now), and she asked me to give her a sponge bath. It drove me crazy, I was incredibly turned on, especially washing her breasts, and she noticed my erection and berated me for feeling that way when she was sick. I couldn't help it, and honestly, I can't wait for her to come home so I can wash her again. It's all I've got right now.

Sorry this has gone on so long. I'm just confused and feeling sorry for myself. I saw this forum and thought I might get this off my chest, it was harder than I thought.