Hi DarknessIsMyFriend, I am sorry for the loss of your step dad. No wonder you feel so stressed when someone you love so much is gone. It may be necessary to make adjustments in your life as you mentioned with all you are going through.

I lost my dad last October. It is still painful but over time the grief has been expressed and the pain is not something I focus on every day. For me it has been difficult for I defined myself in terms of my father and so when he was gone some of the things I hoped for never will happen. I had to make adjustments.

In some ways my online friends became more important. I joined a support group and that helped too. Even the hospice people that worked with him kept in touch. I am stilll trying to be myself without the sadness but I am doing better than I was over the last year.

Hope you find a path through this. Life is the only dance there is as far as I know. I have contemplated the end but I think for me that life holds the promise of learning how to cope with all this, so I go on.