I've similar feelings about my T. I've read that it's due to unmet childhood needs becoming unmet adulthood needs.

I think my feelings for T are disgusting because "I am disgusting".

I told T and she said my feelings aren't the problem, but my self disgust is.

She and I talked about what I didn't get growing up, and what I still don't have.

I like to remind myself of these great posts by Attachment Girl:

https://boundaryninjatales.com/2012/...-transference/

https://boundaryninjatales.com/2011/...-really-arent/