I am sorry you are going through this. Sometimes divorce is the right thing to do but it is such a traumatic life change from my POV.

When we are struggling and in a stressful situation, it is so easy to blame others. Life situations are so complicated and many of the unpleasant things we go through in life are not because someone had bad intentions yet in our quest to answer the question "Why" maybe it is a human reflex to want to find reasons for our pain. Kindness from others, prayer, and self forgiveness help me to blame less but when I am under stress I still blame way more than I should. You are trying the best you can. That is all you can do. Keep trying to become the best person you can be. You will fail a lot while you are going through this stressful life change but hopefully, you can transform yourself as a result of going through this. Hopefully, something good will eventually come from this. Keep looking for a silver lining and maybe, someday, you will find one--at least for a while. I hope things get better for you!!