I agree with the idea of mastubating before u see your GF. Wasn't that in Something About Mary? Lol!
And yes there r condoms that have a desensing agent on them that might help.
But remember that sex starts between your ears. You stated that you "always focused on the end game." This needs to change. Focus on your GF & what you can do for her too. Maybe look into tantric sexual energy & how to refocus this energy to another part of your body.
You can also start to practice "edging" which will help with control.
Even though IMHO, sex is sensual in touch & feeling the biggest sex organ we have is our brain.
I hope some of the things mentioned on this thread helps you become more confident.

PS. Isn't 69 oral for both? Or am I behind on the times!