I don't mean to hurt or offend anyone here,I am just genuinely curious about this...

Everyone knows that experiencing abuse in childhood leaves lasting effects even in adulthood.From my own experiences I can say that's 100% true,the abuse I endured shaped who I am today,shaped how and what I believe about myself and the world.And I know that it's up to me to work on helping myself,I can go to therapy and seek guidance but ultimately it's up to me whether I put in the hard work it takes in order to overcome my past,which I have been doing for quite a few years and I'm sure it will be neverending,I will continually be growing and changing.The fact that it takes so much time and effort to undo all the damage by the hands of other people seems so unfair,but I know that's what I have to do in order to live a decent life.

I know not everyone feels or believes the way I do about this.Some people,my brother for example,uses our childhood as an excuse for the way his life is now.He doesn't put in the time and effort it takes to help himself.He says things like he can't help it,he's messed up from childhood when he does things.If he goes to jail,according to him it's not because he committed a crime,it's because he's "messed up" from childhood.He's an alcoholic with liver damage and instead of trying to help himself he blames it on childhood,saying he started drinking at age 12.

Everything he says or does is blamed on our childhood and I don't see him ever improving,ever trying or ever getting anywhere with that mindset.And it's like he's permanently stuck in self pity over the things we experienced,always throwing it out there to everyone and anyone he's around,almost like he just wants pity from others.

That's what I don't understand,why some people forever hold onto what happened in childhood,blame their present life on the past,use it to justify and excuse their situations, behavior and circumstances instead of trying to help themselves or make any changes.Is it that they're not ready to?They simply don't want to?They don't know how to?Or do they gain something,whether consciously or subconsciously,by holding onto the past so tightly?

I know for myself,I held onto it so tightly for so long,until the pain of staying the same was worse than doing something about it.And I will admit that there were times I enjoyed wallowing in self pity,I'm not exactly sure why,but I did.

Anyway,what are your thoughts on this?Why do some choose to work on their issues and improve theirself while others choose to stay stuck?I say "choose" because I personally believe it's a choice.