Thank you all so much for your compassion, support and wisdom <3 I'm still hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst..

I know it's silly of me to think crying is a sign of weakness.. I think it comes from growing up in a family where my dad never cried and my mom would do it in secret. In our everyday lives, we were meant to keep a stiff upper lip. They both also reacted badly to my crying - dad would ignore me and mom would get upset and angry. I never learned it was OK or even safe to cry..

But I do agree, deep down, that it's a sign of having cared for someone.. And I'll try to think it's just a natural reaction to getting those bad news if indeed I do.. It'd probably be more weird if I did not cry in that situation. I'm also just so grateful for having had this little creature in my life, she has meant SO much to me! I'll try to focus on that as well..