I'm sorry if this get long. I've tried this forum before and didn't make a lot of connections, but now I'm back because I don't know what else to do, and I don't have health insurance besides the low cost clinic in town.

I'm the butt of a lot of jokes. I'm that adult that lives with their mom. How I got here is a long story, but every day I feel like a failed human.

My father passed away 9 years ago. At first, I wanted to be there and help my mom, but over time she got more and more toxic. We argued, she treated me like a kid, and I was thinking of ways to get away from her. Then I got laid off and had nowhere to live. I wish I had risked losing the friendship of my only two friends and moving in with them and their two kids to live in their messy basement while I tried to find another job.

Mom decided to move because the house payment was getting too much, and we moved from a city in Ohio to a rural spot in North Carolina near my grandparents. The opportunities are really limited here. I got really depressed and spent a few years spinning my wheels, trying to figure out a way to deal with it.

She started getting worse, and berating me for not finding a job even though I've looked all over and get no callbacks. I tell her she's hurting me and she turns it on me and it ends up in a lot of shouting and "why don't you get a job and leave?" among other things. Like I wouldn't if it was that easy.

She very "I'm right, everyone else is wrong/stupid" including me. When I tell her she hurts me, she tells me I'm crazy and I need to get a job and get out. Over and over again I've told her about the trouble I've had. She doesn't remember.

I have two part time remote work jobs that aren't paying slave wages currently, and looking for a third, in the hopes of getting at least a minimum wage salary (I don't hope for much anymore) but these don't count.

She's been belittling me for years. I'm dumb, I can't read her mind on weird house rules she has, like not putting a hot cup from the microwave on the counter, and unplugging the power strips when you're done using said microwave. She flies off the handle when I mess up.

She had a blowout with her side of the family and has said that she doesn't need them/is cutting herself off from them. When I asked questions about what happened she turned on me like I took their side. She had said something about it was hard growing up with them and I felt bad, thinking maybe this was the start of an understanding. But then she snapped my head off and I'm officially done.

I don't have enough money to leave. I really want to. I don't want to be a leech until the day I die. I don't want to be made to feel bad all the time. I want to go as far away as possible, get some job that I don't hate, and have some quiet time to myself. Even if I never make another friend again and am alone the rest of my life. I just want peace.

Can anyone help me, either plan the getaway or how to at least manage her mess until I can leave? If I can sell the little bit of stuff I own to get away from her, I will. It's just that it takes time, and I'm not getting any younger.

I'm really ashamed of myself. I can't take care of things like normal people do. I thought I did everything right when I was younger and now I'm here.