Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
I'm still somewhat suspicious -- though at the time was fully convinced -- that the phone was being tapped, my medication contained micro-organisms that could induce mind control, my food was laced with sedatives that should force my compliance etc.. This train of thought and the idea that I wasn't sick enough to deserve a bed when so many others needed it more, was the reason I discharged myself.
I began to believe that people around me were impostors. At the very least, they weren't real. That it was a simulation of sorts. One of those I believe(d) an impostor would be my T. I still go back and forth and can't make up my mind. Ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that there is no one I can truly trust. To be honest, though, I've always felt this way.
I'm battling with my own mind over what is real and what isn't? I actively avoid my fiance most of the time.
I can't tune out these voices.
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This sounds so miserable.
Though your irrational beliefs are telling you not to do this--your best chance to recover is to tell people about all these fears and voices. When you think your phone is tapped--say it. You need to have a conversation about it--otherwise feelings like this become stronger. It is good you told us--that is a good step but in order to receive help IRL you must tell the people around you. I know it is hard, sometimes it is our MI that makes us untrusting and fearful. We have to admit to these fears--they are really sad fears. These fears are about people not loving you or being evil because if someone wants to hurt you--they don't love you and just are terrible people. Let people who love you or are just plain good people help. The first step is assuming that they are trustworthy people then having the courage to tell them what you are thinking. I know it is very hard but keep trying and don't give up hope. Also, keep posting...
