I am actually right there with you.

There is a huge difference between blaming one's parents for the ways in which they harmed them and made them struggle to find a happy path in life, and blaming parents for the choices one makes as an adult.

IN the end people are and have to be responsible for their own choices. Alcoholism is a disease, yes. Probably your brother can't overcome it by himself. That is absolutely true. But her does have a choice to try to get help.

Anyone who can sit there and say "I can't help it, my childhood messed me up" no longer has an excuse. They are doing what they want because they want, and they know what they are doing. If someone who was abused as a child then goes on to abuse their own or other people's children, it is because they choose to. If they become serial killers, it is because they choose to. If they go around cussing out store clerks because the store was out of something they wanted... it is because they choose to. If they cheat on their partner, it is because they choose to. If they spend all day playing video games or on a chat site instead of doing their work... yup, it is because they choose to.

There are an abundance of free support groups in real life and online, websites dedicated to supporting people, endless resources available to start to try working on things. Whether most people choose to try them, is entirely a matter of choice. There are some uncommon exceptions, of course.

And it is something we see a lot. Regardless of WHAT the circumstances, people make choices, that can be ONLY their choices- whether to turn in a lost wallet without removing the cash, whether to throw a napkin on the ground or in the waste bin 5 feet away, whether to let a person go in front while waiting for a light, whether to smile and thank another person... it is all a choice.

I want to be clear. I am applying this to adults, not children. Sure children make choices too, but all in all they are just trying to survive, and adopt what seems to them the best way to make it into adulthood. At some point though, nearly EVERYONE makes a decision about who they are going to be and how they are going to behave. I leave exceptions for some people who are held in slavery or in other beyond extreme circumstances that do not allow them to develop into adults with free will.