When I say I know, I am speaking from my experience. That is how it was with me, when I was losing touch with the reality everyone else experienced. Even though I didn't trust the doctors, and didn't want to tell them, some small part of me felt like they may be able to help, so I told them. That was years ago, and I haven't had a severe loss of reality in several years. The doctors were able to help me get back to who I had been before.

Sometimes figuring out if your brain is lying to you takes an outside person, and in my experience, it took my doctor. It took being put on medication, and taking it like I was told even though I thought it was poison (but fact checking, I started feeling better, not worse). After a while, I started to be able to see reality edven though I still had the thoughts, they just weren't as strong. Then reality became more real for me, and finally the thoughts went away. For me, it did take medicarion, but it took trusting that my doctor knew and could see that my brain was lying to me when I couldn't.

When you say you don't know whether you edven want to win this fight, I would propose maybe give talking to the doctors a shot. Another thing that is said in 12 step programs, once you get sober and you've worked the steps, if you want to go back to the drugs or alcohol, we will gladly refund your misery. Basically, they are saying to give the treatment a chance, and if you aren't happy with how you feel after, you can always go back. The whole one day at a time thing fits too... one day, one step at a time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... and hopefully, with doing what we are supposed to do, we begin to feel better.