I wanted to post this here because even though I don't have romantic/sexual feelings toward my T, I have very strong "I wish we could be friend" feelings and I feel like some of you may understand more. Hope it's ok

First off.... my T is well aware of my "strong attachment" and is ok with it. Nothing has changed, he still hugs me every session etc.... but for some reason I was feeling super emotional after last session and decided to email and reveal to him that I've been keeping something in for the entire summer and I am scared to say it etc.

His reply was lovely and compassionate, reassuring that he wont judge me and he wont stop the hugs because of whatever....

Here is my problem.. Now I 100% am regretting it. I know my feelings/desires of wishing we could be friends after therapy, even in a keep in touch...stop by and chat, type sense are not possible with rules etc. I am not dumb. I know all the boundries and ethics that prevent anything

I also am realizing my "feelings" are fake and basically just delusions, if they were real, he would feel it too or it wouldn't be just a common therapy thing...

although at times he is very "friendly" and shares a lot about himself, we have a ton in common and get along great, i do feel he might feel similar but its just a delusion

So now I am embarrassed I brought anything up because this conversation is stupid and pointless. I don't need to be told I can't because of rules. I don't need to be told my feelings are "just part of the process" etc...

I've cried many times over this issue and punched things out of frustration and sadness, I struggle with expressing emotions and have no idea how to manage what I feel, fake or not.

Any ideas? I'm tired of feeling delusional like this but like I said, telling him has 0 use... so I am actually also considering quitting over this... just because I can't continue to let the "Attachment' grow no matter how much help I may need.

Also don't suggest a new T. Not interested in starting over with anyone.