So I realize now that my crazy crisis is all about me being in a very complex and difficult situation mixed with very complex and difficult people and myself;
who is also very complex and difficult with BPD and PTSD added.

If your recovery goes well for a while and you get to feeling comfortable and proficient in the normal activities of daily living and you get bored,
I suggest selling everything you own, pack a large suitcase and carry on, fly to an exotic country where cows roam the streets and marry someone you met on facebook.

Add in loads of intrigue that trigger your PTSD and don't leave out the bi-polar and an insecurity or two.

Make sure the person who's life you are jumping in to with eyes wide shut is feisty and volatile and as nuts as you are.

Of course they're are as nuts as you are; they want to marry you!