I was wondering how you were doing, too. I'm sorry things have gotten so rough, but I'm glad you're getting some help. I'll also give a big thumbs up for getting an nutritionist onto your team.

I know all I need to know about nutrition, right? We all know that I can lose weight like no one's business, right? Well, when I finally got a referral to a Registered Dietitian, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I've learned something new every visit, and it's great to have someone focus on what I actually eat. She goes over things like what normal hunger is, how hungry I should be before eating (not very), how many "exchanges" I should eat of various food types, and how often. She also weighs me at every visit. (She wants me to get rid of my scale, but I can't do that.) I said that I didn't need to see a nutritionist, that I only needed one or two visits, that I certainly didn't need every week -- and I was wrong. Now I"m glad that I have a weekly appointment, even when I can't manage to acheive the goals set -- like now -- and know that I'll get a spanking. (Figuratively speaking, of course. She does have consequences for me, though. If I don't meet goals, or I continue to be dizzy, I'll have to see a doctor every other week, too, for tests.)

Anyway, DO see the nutritionist. And go in there with an open mind. An RD can be as valuable a member of your treatment team as your T.

Your pastor is saying something that makes sense to me -- that pursuing a police report will be stressful and likely to be triggering for your depression. But you know what? It can also be a sign to you that you're taking care of what needs to be done. That can be liberating, and help you feel as though you're worth the effort. I'm not sure which of the two is more important to you.

I'm in a similar place, actually. I'm filing a complaint against some of the people who treated me last year, and it's more than a little stressful. In fact, in writing out parts of the complaint, I got so upset I started to restrict again. (That's why the RD set those consequences in place.) On the one hand, going through the process is stressful and triggering, on the other hand, NOT complaining would be devastating. It would be lying down in front of the steamroller, and I just can't see doing that again. All my life, no one has protected me, and I've been damaged every time. Now I have a chance to show myself that I can do what I need to do to protect myself. Sure, it's after the fact, but it's still doing something. So, stressful, triggering, whatever -- I'm still doing it. So I understand why you wouldn't want to back off, and I support your decision, as long as you think you have to do it.

I'm so sorry about everything that's hit you, and hope things start to ease up soon. Be well, dear, and PM me when you get a chance.