To clarify, I'm not criticizing even if some people see it that way. I'm sorry I'm negative right now....I'm depressed so I "can't" help it.....I just see myself as being realistic, not negative. And "tacking on what I said at the end Was how I truly felt. How did I know you were doing well? Because your post is the kind I'd make if I were hypomania. For people who are doing well, your post is inspiring. For most people who are not doing well, it will have an opposite effect. Do you forget how bad depression is when well? Pain memories fortunately fade.

I told myself I'm finished explaining myself but I will explain what's happened to me recently which made this post a sensitive one for me. At one of my last appointments my doctor said "it's not that you CANT move, it's JUST that it hurts. Is he right? Yes, but JUST and PAIN should not be used in the same sentence. I often feel like my head will explode if I walk, pain from head to toe and my insides hurt so bad and feel so heavy I grunt and push and want to crap them all out.....it hurts so bad with so much pressure. JUST and PAIN is insulting.....but yes, I CAN walk. A family member recently said "how do you expect to feel better hen all you do is say how sick you are and how much pain you are in. Ok, that makes sense to a moron perhaps but I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't HURT so bad.....I don't WANT to say it and most of the time it comes out without me even knowing I'm saying it. Can I not say it? I don't know, I'm trying to stop and catch myself and just feel terrible. And on a post here on PC, someone tried to shame me for thinking I "can't" do things because I'm not paralyzed.........you don't have to be paralyzed to be physically and mentally crippled. I'm not looking for sympathy, but understanding would be nice though I realize that unless a person has been through it they won't understand. And even if someone has been through it, pain memories fade and they forget what it's really like and how crippling it is.

Not everyone who reads these posts responds. Many people will respond with thanks and gratitude towards you for your positive attitude. For some your revelation might be life changing.....an idea they never heard of before and now that you've written about it they will be cured. Many as very depressed and hating on themselves and will think "I'm a loser.....all the can't do people like me should be euthanized and all the can do people in this thread should be allowed to live because they are better". I know some will think along these long news and I want them to know they are sick and to hold on.....they will be a "can do" person again.

I didn't mean to criticize you........I happen to like you and really relate and enjoy your posts often. People don't like what I say.......unless I'm super quiet and keep my head down and never share an opinion I'm safe......but give my perspective and I incite riots. I don't mean to be offensive most of the time......definitely not this time. This post just hits close to home for me as I'm depressed and stuck. I don't mean to piss on everyone's positivity parade all the time. I'm sorry I'm offensive, I really am.