Today I am feeling very broken up about the fact that I was (still am?) being "ghosted" or ignored by someone I love and care about deeply.

The saddest part is I feel like such a fool because this is the third time over the past five years that this person has come back into my life, only to leave again. But this is the first time he has completely shut me out and ignored my attempts to reach out. It would be easier to just be told to get lost and never bother him again. That would be one thing. But this is unbearable.

I have made a pathetic fool out of myself time and time again lately. The last message I sent was me pouring my heart out to him, stating I missed my best friend and how we used to talk everyday. Missed him being a part of my life. I said if he didn't want to talk like that again that was fine, but that it would mean a lot if he could respond and tell me. That was over three weeks ago.

Now I feel like a total idiot. I keep checking for a response of some kind that I know wont come. Now I am left to wonder if he will ever come back into my life again.

I screw up time and time again with him. My attachment to him always pushes him away. I expect too much, then I lose him. This last time we stopped talking for three years before he randomly messaged me again. I know I need to move on from him, and for the last five years I have tried and failed.

I need him so much right now, just to hear his voice and feel like everything is going to be alright.