I will try and do some art and exercise,I am unable to join groups due to any socialising triggers my PTSD and then I am emotionally distressed and in crisis all the time.I can go watch a film though I do that a lot and it can get tiring and make me feel more lonely.
I am not feeling sorry for myself but spending too much time in isolation makes me feel like I am going to lose my sanity it is scary/Thank you both Olanza_what? and Jennifer for your support.I would never give up I have comes so far through 35 years of abuse and illness ,it is easier in many respects as I no longer revolve through the hospital doors in and out but hard in that everything I do I have to do and manage alone.
Feeling alone is painful.I might go see a film again tomorrow or I may just sat home and face the demon that is me and try to connect with my inner self in the solitude though I am scared of what I might discover there.I seem to be always distracting myself from my inner emotional pain.That isn't good but I have failed so far to stand still long enough to find out if there is actually something inside me to be afraid of.Yes,I know there is a strong,sexual,expressive and creative woman who was beaten up before for who she was and wanted to be and held down and now I am afraid to let her out again cos people hated her and were jealous of her.How do I stop supressing her and let her out cos she is painful to know and meet again?