You seem to be suffering a lot. I'm very sorry for that. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Just so you know, I'm from the USA and from my perspective and the people I know, Croatia is an incredible exotic county that we believe is very interesting and beautiful.

I guess everything in the world depends on your perspective.

I think you are ok, and I think you can have a good life. I think it would help you to reconsider if your beliefs about your life are working for you.

I read you story and it sounded to me like you are a very strong capable committed person. Even strong capable committed people get tired sometimes, especially if dealing with a lot of situations in their life.

You are ok. Your story of what is going on just makes it feel like you are not ok. But you are ok. Those stories that your mind is retelling about your family and your girlfriend, they are just stories. They are your perception and memory of some situation in the past. It's the story your are retelling that hurts you. The actual thing that happens only hurts you once. The story of it in your memory keeps hurting you every time your mind retells it.

Please, if you like, check out The Work | The Work of Byron Katie. You can learn how to stop telling yourself the stories that are hurting you. Once you stop hurting, your mind will be clear enough to form a plan to get you where you want to be in life.

You are ok. Just take a few deep breaths. You will be ok.