thanks for all responses,

don't know if i'm ashamed. part is embarrassment to others', but at same time, their is no need to tell anyone until I'm in a serious relationship (one day, i hope).

But also for me, a measure that I can move on to other supports which may help - exercise, meditation, yoga, etc. - and also, develop my self-belief/esteem/development that I don't need to.

cheers
nick