Hi there,
I don't want to say too much, because I don't have any personal experience with these things in myself, but I have a friend who has schizo-affective disorder, and he had similar paranoid thoughts.

I just wanted to point out one thing. You said you are starting to see that the paranoid thoughts are false, that your mind created them out of thin air, and that you didn't want to bother anyone with them because they are false.

It's fantastic that you're seeing the possibility that everything that you think isn't necessarily true. I know it's kind of disturbing to not be able to tell what is real and what is not real. But just ponder it like this and see if brings you a little peace about it.

Every single person in this forum has thoughts that they spend their life believing that aren't true. Every single one of us has a mind that makes up hurtful false things that make us suffer. Your paranoia about your doctors and the hospital, it's not so different from the fake stuff that everyone else is believing about their own life.

Questioning your thoughts and figuring out which ones aren't true, that's the key to freedom from suffering for everyone, no matter why they suffer. Some people believe that they aren't worthy of love. Some people believe they'll never be successful. Some people believe that they will never be able to support themselves, etc etc. Some people believe that the phones are tapped. Some people believe that their meds are laced with sedatives. We all have delusions. It's just that some delusions are considered more normal than others. But everyone who believes their false thoughts suffers in their lives because of it. We call it depression and anxiety and all kinds of things.

You are starting to see that your false thoughts are false. You're on the right track. You're ahead of the game.

We are all just trying to identify the false thoughts and get rid of them, just like you are doing. It can be really hard to do though, and every single one of us deserves whatever help we need in order to do it. We're all worthy of a bed in a hospital. We're all worthy of a therapists time.

It sounds like you are really really suffering. Of course you deserve help.