My urges to do this got too much again. Tonight I put on most of my gear, put a bike in the car and drove to one of my secluded spots for a crash session.
I parked up, got the bike out ready and then put on the last few bits of equipment ( helmet, gum shield, wrist guards and gloves.
Sitting on the bike, looking down the steep tarmac hill. I psyched myself up. I slammed my visor shut and set off. I pedalled fairly fast then dropped the bike on its side. I skidded along the ground with my foot and leg pinned under the bike. My shoulder, hip, leg and arm all dragged across the rough tarmac. Once I stopped, I pulled myself from under the bike. Opened the visor and checked myself and the gear over. I was unhurt and even though my leathers had taken a beating they were surprisingly only scuffed a little. I picked up the bike and pushed it back up the hill. At the top I got on it again. I set off once more this time I pedalled furiously, the wind rush through my helmet as I quickly pick up speed. I shut the visor. As I continued to peddle I approached the first bend on the hill. I stood up on the pedals and got my leg over the cross bar. I took a deep breath and jumped from the bike. My feet touched the ground and instantly were pulled from under me. I slammed into the ground. My shoulder hit hard, followed by my head. I slid along the ground in my front. The leathers and gloves heated up as they dragged along the ground. Suddenly I started to turn sideways and I was barrel rolling down the hill at an alarming rate. With each roll my shoulders, arms, chest, back and knees took an impact. Several times my helmet hit the ground hard. I slid off the road at the bend and came to a halt after sliding the last 10 feet through the brambles and nettles that made up the roadside. I got myself up and walked out of the undergrowth. I walked back up the road and collected my bike. Much as I wanted another run I decided against it as my helmet had took a lot of impacts and I hadn't brought a spare. I was sweating profusely inside my leathers ( I usually go out when temps are near freezing for this reason), I opened them up and my body armour too cool down while I removed my helmet and gloves. I loaded the car and headed home.
Now I'm home and the adrenaline has settled I feel calm and stress free!! Something I haven't for a few months now. I know how this will work now. I'll be fine for a couple of weeks, then I'll start thinking about it again and within a couple of months I'll be buying a new helmet and going out again. Hopefully it'll be cooler then.
I often wonder if I should stop this fetish!! but the release I get from it can't be equalled from anything else I've tried. For the time being the benefits far outweigh the risks.