Hi everyone. I feel lame for turning to this forum after being away for so many years (and not providing support to all of you during that time), but I would like some advice. Since I was here last, I spent approximately six years in therapy with a trauma specialist. She helped with one of my young parts that always took control over everything in my life, and that part is now mostly inactive. It pops its head up every now and then, but when that happens, it is no longer so consuming of my daily life. This past summer, I realized that I was no longer making progress with that therapist, so I started looking for a new one, and what I really wanted to do was to present without any mention of my dissociation. I didn’t want our work to be consumed with that, so I had planned to not say anything, with the intention of just working on the trauma with her. In our first session, I felt encouraged as she talked about how she would approach the trauma: we would talk about it and determine how it impacts my life today. It appeared that it would be, perhaps, an eclectic approach including cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic, and whatever else.

Today was my second appointment, and during that she asked if I had ever been told I have a problem with dissociation or if I have ever believed that about myself. I was shocked. I thought for a moment I was going to cry because I did not want this to come up. My response to her was that I have had issues with dissociation; however, I would not answer the question about whether I was told that by a therapist and/or whether I have ever believed that about myself. My fear is that the focus is going to become about parts, and that we will never get to processing the trauma. She explained to me what she saw between the first and second sessions, and I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't think it would be that noticeable to someone who has not worked with me. Like the young part that used to control my life, there is what I call a jackass teenager that presents itself as an avoidance technique whenever the topic of trauma begins to come close. That part is what was there last week, and surprisingly, it stayed in the background today, so I guess her seeing two presentations is what did it.

I am concerned about our work being 100% about parts (which is really what the six-year therapist focused on), and I am concerned about what she may think of me. So what do I do now. Do I go in and pretend like it never came up? Do I go in next week and talk openly about it? Good God, I cannot believe this happened after I spent months looking for someone.