In general, no. In this case, absolutely. I have close friendships with the people I care about. Not a ton of friends, as I don't care for meaningless friendships just for the sake of having friends. But the few friends I have, I have been friends with for many years.

In relationships, I tend to not feel that close to people, with this one exception. As they said in Pride and Prejudice he "bewitched me, body and soul. I love you, I love you, I love you." My fear of losing him is precisely what pushed him away. I have never felt for anyone like that before or since.

After we broke up the first time, my heart was broken. I didn't eat for four days. I never recovered. Then he came back a year later, only to disappear suddenly. I found out through Facebook that he had gotten someone pregnant and was trying to make it work with her. Then three years later he comes back.

We talked for hours on end for a few months, but my desire for more once again pushed him away. Now he had vanished again and I am left to pick up the pieces.

So unbelievably tempted to reach out again, but I know it will just make me look even more pathetic than I already do. Three weeks, two days since my last attempt to reach out. So hard not to, but really, what is there left to even say?