this is an email T answered back to me after i asked her a million questions ranging from why she cares about me to what our relationship is supposed to be. she answered every one. and i wanted to share it all with you...

Hey you,
Thank you for the positive feedback in today's email. So here we are again. Okay, where should I begin? You are likeable. You are considerate and kind hearted which makes you very easy to like and care about. I also see something you do not and that is that you are full of promise and potential. I guess I can envision somewhere over the rainbow... I never care about someone just because it is my job. Actually I can do my job without actually liking the person I work with. Sometimes my job is just that a job. I don't click with everybody. When I care about someone it is because I have let them effect me personally as well as professionally. It's like making a friend in life. Some people you like their qualities and some people you do not even think twice about. You are someone I can relate to and probably would have been friends with when I was your age. It is easy to connect with you because you take risks and put yourself out there by writing me your feelings. I am not afraid of feelings so I can accept people for whatever feelings they might have. In you I see life. Life afraid to be lived, but you will learn in time. I see pain and a desire to love. I also see some one who is extremely insightful about themselves and who is open to learning more and more about yourself. I hear you loud and clear. I guess I do not run to you because I have faith that you can help yourself. A two year old does not know how to help themselves, but you do. You may be scared, but you know how to get from point a to point b. Our relationship is what it is supposed to be. There are boundaries for your health and mine. We are not friends for the simple reason that I could not be effective and non-judgmental if we were friends. My goal is to teach you how to help yourself not to come in and rescue you and make everything go away. It is not healthy or productive for us to become closer than we are because than I would be numbing your pain and not helping you look at it. Therapists and clients do not become friends for many reasons some I can not explain. It is just unethical. Once you know someone on a personal level your judgement is not clear and you are more likely to make emotional decisions and not what is necessarily the best decision. There is nothing wrong with asking for a hug. Hugs are comforting. I like them too. You need to be comforted and I can not tell you who should be there to do that for you. Only you can answer that. I do think you feel desperate to be loved and comforted from others when it does need to start with you giving it to you. I don't have all the answers I wish I did. I do know that I am not going anywhere anytime soon unless God has something else in store for me. Who knows, you may outgrow me and get bored yourself. Life is full of questions isn't it? You will survive. Take a deep breath and open yourself up to the possibility that you are capable of loving yourself. See you soon. Be good and remember safety first.
T