Hi CopingMeadow, I have been in similar situations where I thought I expected too much from friends. This sounds romantic though, also. You know, I think, that you have needs emotionally, physically, etc. We all do. They are unique to us, and while you are saying you think you drove him away, perhaps it was just more...the wrong fit for him. AND you. He can't give you what you need, it sounds like. Don't be ashamed of your needs. Whatever they may be. It sounds like he is not the right person for you and you deserve a better friend and love interest. If you DO think you have a problem with being too clingy, maybe talking to a therapist can help. But I'm wondering also, if you are just being too hard on yourself. Have you ever read Attached? https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Scie.../dp/1585429139. It is a really good book and you might possibly see yourself in anxious attachment. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, you should embrace it.

That all being said, It might be a good idea if you started to mourn your loss and eventually find a way to move on from him. That could be very therapeutic. I don't like how he keeps coming into your life. And then leaving. You know what you can expect from him. It took me years to let go of someone where I no longer let them in my life anymore. I knew it wasn't what I needed. But I was addicted to him. When he was there, he was very there. When he wasn't, it hurt like hell. I finally said goodbye one day, after trying and trying to say good bye for years, and finally didn't look back. I wonder if not letting this guy back into your life would be a good thing. Hold on. I know it hurts now, but you're going to be ok.