So I want to run back to my ex whom I was only with for 5 months. My friends and family don't like him cause I changed a LOT for him and bend over backwards for him. I gave up my male friends and isolated myself from female ones cause he didn't like something about them. So to make him happy I distanced myself. He kept all his friends including his friend with benefits. But those are his friends and I was not to get chummy with them as he yelled that to me on one of our last fights. I changed my phone to an iPhone so he could know where I was cause he worried about me. I also changed numbers so No male friends could contact me. I changed my last name cause he didn't like I still had my exes name. He was slowly controlling my moves.... But I didn't mind for some reason. I started cutting when we would fights. He called me stupid for it and cut himself telling me if I did it he would too. To me he cares for me. My family friends and psychologist and psychiatrist say I was in an abusive relationship, manipulative. Yet... I miss him and want to run back to him. But I know if I see him and get rejected by him or put down again I probably would do something drastic. See... I slept with a friend 2 days after we broke up... He called me a who're and a horrible person and how do I look at myself in the mirror and how could I breath. He really got to me because he is right... I can't believe I did that and everything I wasn't I know became that.
Why do I want him back? Why do I want to run back into his arms? I love him still [emoji24]