Writing what I did there made a whole giant load of stuff come to the surface, hard. Whoever started it is either a genius or an evil genius. It really hurt me to see what I'd written, because it really hurts to keep that buried so deep. I'm not removing it from the thread, because others might feel the same way and know they aren't alone. I would love to be told I'm not alone in that but also horrified that anyone else would have to feel that way. I became shaky and nervous feeling by the time I finished it and I've been crying since I started. It's feelings like those that made me suicidal last time I hospitalized myself. I'm not going to let that happen again. It's THEIR problems that I can't fix because they aren't MY problems. I'm only responsible for my own. I can't wait to get out tomorrow morning and go run and exercise. I'm going to leave at 6 if I can get out of the door quietly.
Well crap, now I get to go make supper. Time to pretend to be composed