(There is mention of suicideal ideation in this post)

I guess I can officially say that I have come out of my 3 month depression. Poems are being written, floors are getting mopped, books are getting read, furniture is being dusted, things are becoming more organized, etc. No more tears.

However, within this feeling better thing, I am swinging between brief period of dread and somewhat 'high' episodes. I will feel okay and then be hit by this horrific feeling of dread which includes suicidal feelings and thoughts. Then last night I had this high which included massive creativity (this was briefly following a dread period). I was working on my poetry and listening to music and was experiencing the sounds and visualization of color in an incredible way (no I wasn't on drugs).

I spoke to T yesterday to tell him about the dread and the suicideal ideation. I haven't told him about those high feelings yet. I had actually put a mouthful of Klonopin in my mouth and then spit it out. He wasn't too happy about that. I'm going to see him tomorrow.

Once again, I just ask-- what the hell is going on with me??