When my mother passed on after a long battle with depression and horrible physical pain my first thoughts were.... . 'It's over Mom. Thank you God for ending her suffering.' She'd been left paralysed from a spinal injury when she was 33. She died when she was 48 having never adjusted to life in a wheelchair and having never regained her joy.

In the days, weeks, months, years to come I've prayed for God to heal my broken heart. To minister to my sadness and pain. I'd lay my loneliness out at the alter and I'd rage about the injustice of my mother's fate. The child of my mother in me would weep the pained tears of a orphan. The child of God in me would weep the healing tears of a heavenly creature.

I take my pain to the alter and I speak my unspeakable anger and hurt and fear. I cry and I rench and I vent my rage towards the heavens. When I'm done, when my emotions are spent and my words are empty I rest in the silence. I give into the silence as it takes the place of my angry voice. I rest in the peace that comes from having been heard, having let go of that which I can not control. Once spent of my pain I rest in my exhaustion to receive the blessings of silence. The blessings of peace. The blessings of an infilling of a love beyond understanding. Like the love of my mother whose willingness to listen and hold me and wait with me through the sorrows of my life was understanding enough to heal my broken heart.

As my immediate pain begins to subside I'm filled with a sense of thankfulness. My pain of loss is replaced with joy for having known my mother. My sorrow for her suffering is replaced with gladness that her suffering is now over. My anger with God for having let my mother suffer in that wheelchair for so long is replaced with peace knowing she will dance in the heavens for all of eternity. And I rejoice that the gifts she brought in her lifetime will last for all eternity in her name. And we will meet again. We will dance together in the heavens. We will smile together among the children of our wombs and we wll dance with our ancestors before us.

We are the Circle of Life. No joy without sorrow. No peace without chaos. No happiness without sadness. No infinate eternity without finite reality. No clear understanding without pure acceptance.

When I see injustice in the world and my anger rages I'm reminded to pray for more justice in the world. When I see beauty in the world and my heart races I'm reminded to pray for more beauty in the world. When I see sorrow I pray for happiness. When I see suffering I pray for peace. I pray that the balance of life is maintained. That the opportunities for God to be revealed in the hearts of non-believers and believers alike are expanded by my prayers.

I pray for peace on earth, good will to all of God's created.