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Originally Posted by childofchaos831
I hope my last comment wasn't upsetting... I think the best thing for both boys would be to get into therapy or treatment of some sort. Even tho Toby is the one showing problems, I think his brother needs some support as well. I worry that he seemed to just sit and let his brother attack him in the car, and that may mean that he believes Toby's behavior is normal and just how brothers are. They are both still so young, and getting therapy for them both could really help and prevent any problems from getting worse or new ones showing up later on.
I still think, tho, that your safety and emotional well being is most important. I know you care about both boys, and their mother, so much. I don't think you would even be asking this question if you didn't. But no one deserves to go to work every day with the fear of getting hurt...
I wonder, have you ever done DBT? One of the things they teach is a pros and cons list, but it's a little different than normal. Basically, they make a square, and then split it into 4 squares. So, two columns and two rows. On the columns would be "stay" and "quit" for this. One the rows are "pros" and "cons." Then you fill in each square with the combination of the two, so the pros of staying and the pros of quitting, and then the cons for each. (Sorry if the explanation is too much, I have a habit of explaining things to death.) It helps to get an idea of all sides, and for me, it also helps to look at which square has more items but also some things may be more important to me than others.
It seems like this is a hard decision for you. Is there anything you can do, for you? Go to a movie, take a bath and just soak and relax, sit and read at a coffee shop? Maybe taking some time to care for yourself may help clear you mind and help with looking at what you feel is right, for you, in this situation.
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Not at all, you've been great.
Some updates: their mother is getting Toby into behavioral therapy. It takes time, but she has immediately moved to take that action. I agree, it might be good for his brother to get in as well (though he most definitely didn't just sit there. He kicked and clawed and screamed, but he was held stationary by his seatbelt before I could pull Toby off. It all happened very fast.) Unfortunately, I don't know whether it's my place to advise that, and ultimately everything will be up to their mom moving forward.
I've definitely made my decision, and I've applied for several jobs. I will give notice when I have solid prospects (a girl's gotta eat..). Meanwhile, I don't plan to just walk out. I want to give her notice and time to find a replacement. I told her very clearly, though, that I will not tolerate the hitting and biting in the future, and will immediately call her or the boys' grandmother to come and help if the situation escalates again.
At this point, I just feel sad and guilty and terrible. I am the type who always has to help, and feel awful when I can't. I've grown very attached to this family, and I will miss the boys very, very much. This isn't a normal job, and the separation is going to be really hard. Toby's twin, who is very bright and very sensitive, reads situations very quickly and accurately...I haven't said anything yet to them about leaving, but yesterday, he suddenly pulled me into a fierce hug and whispered, "Please don't leave me a'cuz of Toby. I love you too much." I nearly broke down. I know what I need to do and why I need to do it, but it hurts a lot. Families always say they'll stay in touch, but they never do. Goodbye will probably be forever.